Funny Jokes - Drunks - page 1/4

The Eighteen Bottles
The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by mywife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, orelse... I said I would and (...)

After a long pubcrawl...
After a long pubcrawl those two guys discuss wether the moon is red orgreen. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop. Finally they find one and ask him: "Please, officcccer, (...)

A fellow decides to take off early from work...
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he (...)

Two friends were out drinking...
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy...
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy askingwhat time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk.About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding (...)

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were...
Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh (...)

The sex talk
A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics The bartender says ?IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S POLITICS

This guys is sitting at the end of a bar...
This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in the door he says, rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually ask him what it was he said, and he (...)

Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop...
Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

Warning labels
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake (...)